INTERVIEW: CELINE DION


Celine Dion in her infamous "God made me do it" pose during the interview.

Recently I had a chance to sit down(only me, didn't allow her to) and talk with Celine Dion. Here's how the interview went:

Dion: Should I take my top off before we start?

Me: Err... sure?
[She takes it off and after I profusely puke for 10 whole minutes, regain my eye-sight and beg her to put it back on and never to do that again for the sake of mankind, we continue]

Me: Firstly, I'd like to say thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. I can't imagine how hard and hectic it must be, being a world-class whore.

Dion: Awww no problem. [Laughs]

Me: Why are you laughing bitch? [I proceed to give her a kick on the face]

Dion: [Laughs]

Me: Nobody actually likes the shit that you do, right?

Dion: Well I've won many awards, sold over 2 records and my clients include Pope Benedict XVI, Gary Coleman, Gandhi, Napoleon Bonaparte, etc. I'm quite a whore you know. [Laughs]

Me: [yawn] Yes I do know. [Gives her a kick in the crotch]

Dion: Oh I forgot, Abhishek Bachchan, the cast of Titanic, the whole of Canada too.

Me: Yeah, yeah, anyway. You are quite famous for your frequent practice of masturbation during bloody menstrual periods, Is this true?

Dion: Yes. Well you know me, I'm a whore and a Canadian.

Me: Yes. Rumour has it, that your "music" is like two brick walls dry humping each other, how do you manage to be such a shit filled bitch of biblical proportions? Please don't share if it's too personal.

Dion: Well I have sex with pigs and smear my face in donkey excreta every morning and then continue having sex with pigs again all day long. I don't know why people like and buy my "music". Maybe one day they'll pull out their heads out of their asses( But it's way better than rap and Hip Hop "music"). Meanwhile, I'll make money and continue to numb their brains with my personality and my "music" as much as I can and eventually take over the world.

Me: Man, you sure are a shit-filled whore.

Dion: Yep, well that's a masterpiece of an understatement, really.

Me: Have you ever tried listening to your own "music"?

Dion: [Laughs] Are you kidding me? I may be a whore, but not that stupid, oh wait maybe I am.[Laughs]

Me: Yes. You are a stupid whore. Well that covers it, but before you go, I'd like to thank you once again for taking the time out and good luck with your life- no, wait, choke and die. I hope you choke on your own shit and die.

Dion: Hey, really its no problem.

[I proceed to give her one last hard kick on the face]

Dion: Why did you do that?

Me: I hate you.

Dion: [Laughs]














Dion: [Laughs]

A TRIBUTE TO A GREAT LEGEND

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS UNBEARABLE LEVELS OF AWESOMENESS

I write this, with a humongous lump in my throat and try not to break down but in stark contrast, also in a state of extreme bliss. Here at Paninometti, we appreciate awesomeness and hence, a tribute to something really awesome. This is the first and possibly the only tribute you'll ever see here, because no one else can live up to this man(perhaps). One of my greatest hero.
This is my tribute to the great
AYRTON SENNA:




Nostalgia can kill you man. And it's sneaky and mean. It starts out by broadcasting a memory where everything is as warm and fuzzy as a puppy licking your face and then it all turns bad when you realize you're rewinding through a joyous image that has been lost forever. I drift back to 1993, when an awestruck six-year old was absolutely devouring the glorious images flickering inside my family's TV of the Godly presence of the great Ayrton Senna driving his legendary McLaren Honda in a very wet and now legendary race at Donington. An unparalleled drive that would be named as the decade's best. I was hooked. Then and there, and still fucking am.

If you're asking yourself "who the hell is Ayrton Senna," you'd better step back and re-evaluate your life right now or just kill yourselves in a very slow and gruesome way. If not, then let me. Imagine everything awesome packaged into one certain Brazilian racer, an ultimate personification of pure awesomeness that's what Ayrton Senna was. He is also the only person who can and has on many occasions kicked Chuck Norris' ass.

Senna is who I believe to be my real biological father. Don't believe me? Check this out:


I know, the similarities are uncanny!

Then came 1994, still new to the world of Formula 1 and having witnessed and experienced Ayrton's unparalleled awesome genius and skill on the track, becoming a hardcore fan and falling in love with his intense personality just like the millions all over the world within those 5-6 months was natural and inevitable. I wanted more of him and knew right away that this is staying for life with me, and then came May 1st of that year -the Imola Grand Prix, after Lap seven and the fourteen years that follows to this day, everything has been a blur. Imagine losing a hero, a hope, an idol, someone you respect, admire, adore, right in front of you on live television, the wait, everyone will remember the fucking wait, he just sat there motionless for several slow passing minutes. Very distressing and what was to follow later that day was even more. Still is. ALWAYS will be.

The purpose of this tribute is not to yet again like it's been done over and over again like an annoying tape loop(I could, I want to, but choose not to), in the last 14 years come up with new theories and try to solve and find the "real" reason behind Ayrton's death, BUT is to tell and remind you all imbecile, ignorant shitheads, that giants DID walked on this earth. That there was a God among us. Literally. He was Ayrton Senna.



Senna kicking everybody's ass at Monaco, just like God intended.



 Senna about to kick Schumacher's ass, just like He intended.

Ayrton was always a man of such extraordinary talent and character that his legacy lives on, not only in the memories of those who witnessed his talent on the track, but as an example to young people around the world, of dedication, compassion and integrity, and I do find it really unfair and get exceptionally exasperated when all these pseudo shitheads go on, comparing all this new breed of pussies in Formula 1 today like Hamilton, etc; to him. No comparisons. Ever.

It's very hard to describe this feeling, there are not enough words to build a sentence that can say what kind of man Ayrton Senna da Silva was. I strongly believe the video below will give you some idea of what an awesome person he was:



Ayrton Senna IS and will always remain the greatest man who ever raced. The BEST Formula 1 driver. Nobody comes close. Nobody will. Everything else is shit.


You are well missed & loved Ayrton.
Paninometti is dedicated to you.



People still do believe that since Senna doesn't race anymore, it ain't Sunday anymore.

I DO HAVE FRIENDS!

Over the years, many people(usually referred to as jerks, sewer sludge,etc.) have accused me of being many things like - a loser or a very feeble person, person who prefers & enjoys same gender sexual gratification, several references to animal excreta, etc. But most importantly of not having any active, healthy social life and consequently, leading to a very content life(for me) but with NO friends. How NOT true.

Contrary to popular belief, I DO HAVE FRIENDS.

Like you all mere mortals, I too sometimes enjoy(yeah right!) participating in pretentious blabber and activities and do have great friends. The following content perfectly illustrates this:


My well-liked friends seen here enjoying a nice game of pool.



Standing between the vehicles (was) a very good friend.



Standing between the letterboxes IS a very good friend. (Shortly after this picture was taken he was arrested for exposing himself and shouting anti-Semitic remarks in public)



A very shy friend. I know! He looks just like David Bowie.(standing behind that pink door).


Nobody's here. Dumbass.


Who wants to be a millionaire you ask? My Friend does.


Friends who'd probably sue me if I disclose their identities.



Friends whom I WILL soon reject for listening to all that rap crap.


PLEASE BE MY FRIEND. PLEASE.


A close friend of mine have confessed to sodomizing Bambi right after killing her(?) mother.


These are NOT my friends. (All arrested & awaiting capital punishment for severely boring me)

Note: During the time when this post was in the making the entire cast of the Friends was severely sodomized("Joey" was the worst victim) by the very same close friend of mine who also recently has confessed to sodomizing Bambi along with some other fluffy Disney creatures.



YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!



Good friends. Yes indeed.



As you all can see apparently, I have some great friends. SUCKERS for thinking otherwise.

LOVE IS WHAT YOUR BANDWIDTH IS...


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Also, free awesome stickers here.

HE IS A GOOD BOY

Ladies don't be shy, check this hunk of meat! He's a Capricorn, enjoys nice walks on the beach, devouring fluffy animals (preferably raw), has good positive feedback on his ebay account. (I know, WOW!)






It's hard to tell which part of the whole process is the most exciting, I suppose the part when I'm done with all this and enjoying some quality time with my Gameboy. Oh joy...