INTERVIEW: CELINE DION


Celine Dion in her infamous "God made me do it" pose during the interview.

Recently I had a chance to sit down(only me, didn't allow her to) and talk with Celine Dion. Here's how the interview went:

Dion: Should I take my top off before we start?

Me: Err... sure?
[She takes it off and after I profusely puke for 10 whole minutes, regain my eye-sight and beg her to put it back on and never to do that again for the sake of mankind, we continue]

Me: Firstly, I'd like to say thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. I can't imagine how hard and hectic it must be, being a world-class whore.

Dion: Awww no problem. [Laughs]

Me: Why are you laughing bitch? [I proceed to give her a kick on the face]

Dion: [Laughs]

Me: Nobody actually likes the shit that you do, right?

Dion: Well I've won many awards, sold over 2 records and my clients include Pope Benedict XVI, Gary Coleman, Gandhi, Napoleon Bonaparte, etc. I'm quite a whore you know. [Laughs]

Me: [yawn] Yes I do know. [Gives her a kick in the crotch]

Dion: Oh I forgot, Abhishek Bachchan, the cast of Titanic, the whole of Canada too.

Me: Yeah, yeah, anyway. You are quite famous for your frequent practice of masturbation during bloody menstrual periods, Is this true?

Dion: Yes. Well you know me, I'm a whore and a Canadian.

Me: Yes. Rumour has it, that your "music" is like two brick walls dry humping each other, how do you manage to be such a shit filled bitch of biblical proportions? Please don't share if it's too personal.

Dion: Well I have sex with pigs and smear my face in donkey excreta every morning and then continue having sex with pigs again all day long. I don't know why people like and buy my "music". Maybe one day they'll pull out their heads out of their asses( But it's way better than rap and Hip Hop "music"). Meanwhile, I'll make money and continue to numb their brains with my personality and my "music" as much as I can and eventually take over the world.

Me: Man, you sure are a shit-filled whore.

Dion: Yep, well that's a masterpiece of an understatement, really.

Me: Have you ever tried listening to your own "music"?

Dion: [Laughs] Are you kidding me? I may be a whore, but not that stupid, oh wait maybe I am.[Laughs]

Me: Yes. You are a stupid whore. Well that covers it, but before you go, I'd like to thank you once again for taking the time out and good luck with your life- no, wait, choke and die. I hope you choke on your own shit and die.

Dion: Hey, really its no problem.

[I proceed to give her one last hard kick on the face]

Dion: Why did you do that?

Me: I hate you.

Dion: [Laughs]














Dion: [Laughs]

A TRIBUTE TO A GREAT LEGEND

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS UNBEARABLE LEVELS OF AWESOMENESS

I write this, with a humongous lump in my throat and try not to break down but in stark contrast, also in a state of extreme bliss. Here at Paninometti, we appreciate awesomeness and hence, a tribute to something really awesome. This is the first and possibly the only tribute you'll ever see here, because no one else can live up to this man(perhaps). One of my greatest hero.
This is my tribute to the great
AYRTON SENNA:




Nostalgia can kill you man. And it's sneaky and mean. It starts out by broadcasting a memory where everything is as warm and fuzzy as a puppy licking your face and then it all turns bad when you realize you're rewinding through a joyous image that has been lost forever. I drift back to 1993, when an awestruck six-year old was absolutely devouring the glorious images flickering inside my family's TV of the Godly presence of the great Ayrton Senna driving his legendary McLaren Honda in a very wet and now legendary race at Donington. An unparalleled drive that would be named as the decade's best. I was hooked. Then and there, and still fucking am.

If you're asking yourself "who the hell is Ayrton Senna," you'd better step back and re-evaluate your life right now or just kill yourselves in a very slow and gruesome way. If not, then let me. Imagine everything awesome packaged into one certain Brazilian racer, an ultimate personification of pure awesomeness that's what Ayrton Senna was. He is also the only person who can and has on many occasions kicked Chuck Norris' ass.

Senna is who I believe to be my real biological father. Don't believe me? Check this out:


I know, the similarities are uncanny!

Then came 1994, still new to the world of Formula 1 and having witnessed and experienced Ayrton's unparalleled awesome genius and skill on the track, becoming a hardcore fan and falling in love with his intense personality just like the millions all over the world within those 5-6 months was natural and inevitable. I wanted more of him and knew right away that this is staying for life with me, and then came May 1st of that year -the Imola Grand Prix, after Lap seven and the fourteen years that follows to this day, everything has been a blur. Imagine losing a hero, a hope, an idol, someone you respect, admire, adore, right in front of you on live television, the wait, everyone will remember the fucking wait, he just sat there motionless for several slow passing minutes. Very distressing and what was to follow later that day was even more. Still is. ALWAYS will be.

The purpose of this tribute is not to yet again like it's been done over and over again like an annoying tape loop(I could, I want to, but choose not to), in the last 14 years come up with new theories and try to solve and find the "real" reason behind Ayrton's death, BUT is to tell and remind you all imbecile, ignorant shitheads, that giants DID walked on this earth. That there was a God among us. Literally. He was Ayrton Senna.



Senna kicking everybody's ass at Monaco, just like God intended.



 Senna about to kick Schumacher's ass, just like He intended.

Ayrton was always a man of such extraordinary talent and character that his legacy lives on, not only in the memories of those who witnessed his talent on the track, but as an example to young people around the world, of dedication, compassion and integrity, and I do find it really unfair and get exceptionally exasperated when all these pseudo shitheads go on, comparing all this new breed of pussies in Formula 1 today like Hamilton, etc; to him. No comparisons. Ever.

It's very hard to describe this feeling, there are not enough words to build a sentence that can say what kind of man Ayrton Senna da Silva was. I strongly believe the video below will give you some idea of what an awesome person he was:



Ayrton Senna IS and will always remain the greatest man who ever raced. The BEST Formula 1 driver. Nobody comes close. Nobody will. Everything else is shit.


You are well missed & loved Ayrton.
Paninometti is dedicated to you.



People still do believe that since Senna doesn't race anymore, it ain't Sunday anymore.

I DO HAVE FRIENDS!

Over the years, many people(usually referred to as jerks, sewer sludge,etc.) have accused me of being many things like - a loser or a very feeble person, person who prefers & enjoys same gender sexual gratification, several references to animal excreta, etc. But most importantly of not having any active, healthy social life and consequently, leading to a very content life(for me) but with NO friends. How NOT true.

Contrary to popular belief, I DO HAVE FRIENDS.

Like you all mere mortals, I too sometimes enjoy(yeah right!) participating in pretentious blabber and activities and do have great friends. The following content perfectly illustrates this:


My well-liked friends seen here enjoying a nice game of pool.



Standing between the vehicles (was) a very good friend.



Standing between the letterboxes IS a very good friend. (Shortly after this picture was taken he was arrested for exposing himself and shouting anti-Semitic remarks in public)



A very shy friend. I know! He looks just like David Bowie.(standing behind that pink door).


Nobody's here. Dumbass.


Who wants to be a millionaire you ask? My Friend does.


Friends who'd probably sue me if I disclose their identities.



Friends whom I WILL soon reject for listening to all that rap crap.


PLEASE BE MY FRIEND. PLEASE.


A close friend of mine have confessed to sodomizing Bambi right after killing her(?) mother.


These are NOT my friends. (All arrested & awaiting capital punishment for severely boring me)

Note: During the time when this post was in the making the entire cast of the Friends was severely sodomized("Joey" was the worst victim) by the very same close friend of mine who also recently has confessed to sodomizing Bambi along with some other fluffy Disney creatures.



YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!



Good friends. Yes indeed.



As you all can see apparently, I have some great friends. SUCKERS for thinking otherwise.

LOVE IS WHAT YOUR BANDWIDTH IS...


-------------------------------------------------------------
Also, free awesome stickers here.

HE IS A GOOD BOY

Ladies don't be shy, check this hunk of meat! He's a Capricorn, enjoys nice walks on the beach, devouring fluffy animals (preferably raw), has good positive feedback on his ebay account. (I know, WOW!)






It's hard to tell which part of the whole process is the most exciting, I suppose the part when I'm done with all this and enjoying some quality time with my Gameboy. Oh joy...

IF I WERE A TEACHER...



 This post is currently a subject of legal litigation for trying to rape a staircase.  
For the inconvenience caused, 
here's a nice soapbar:

 Interesting indeed.

HOW TO SPOT A JACKASS: EXHBHIT A:

The other night I was sitting in a corner table in an Italian restaurant waiting for my Tortellini of Modena alone while reminiscing about the day's earlier events like time-travelling back to 1998 A.D. and destroying every shred of Aaron Carter's existence from this planet , when a couple entered and took a table near me. Through the course of the meal it was apparent that the couple had employed a dating service and were on a blind date. And then and there it set off my bullshit alarm! The jackass with the woman sky-rocketed way up to 1000% on my Bullshit-O-Meter! This guy was one of the purest and most concentrated essence of bullshit I've been unfortunate enough to have come across over the years. His face just begged to be smashed into a pulp with Coldplay's disturbing new CD . My blood was boiling, Oh wait I forgot, LITERALLY! I was pissed, this pasta I ordered was as cold as a dead pig's testicles and yes the utter yak shit that I have just witnessed. Blood driven for revenge, I skipped dessert, thus affecting the capitalist sector(as consumerist this nation is getting while 2/3 of it still lacks adequate supply of clean water and electricity) and ultimately affecting the economy and hence driving the pimply-bottomed asshole in front of me to pay more taxes! Hey asshole get ready this March for some hefty money loss from your "Cellulite-Removal" fund. By the way I totally boned that poor chick(with the bag on her face of course) in the parking lot and safely locked her away from decent civilization along with P Diddy-Puff Daddy-Puff Mommy uncle, whatever,Rakhi Sawant and Shilpa Shetty. (Excerpts from the date below):





PANINOMETTI: ONE YEAR OF ARTISTIC & LITERARY GENIUS

TWIN SIS. COM.


The twins in happier times

Our ladies the Belisha Beacon twins lived a very content life deeply in love only till the 436th heartbeat ... sad, but true.

21 times the twins did the "Macarena" in their sad short lifespan.

BRUCE WILLIS: AMERICA'S FAVOURITE PAEDOPHILE





Bruce Willis better known as the half cousin of Batman (note: Do not confuse with Bruce Wayne, Bruce Lee, Bruce Willis or Donald Duck) is the guy who invented and also made sleeveless t-shirts cool and a raging but America's favourite kiddy pole polisher and lover. Bruce is also responsible for destroying Jackie Chan's Soviet regime. Children just adore Mr. Candystick(that's what he tells them to call him or his...errr)


Ahh Bruce such a nice person he is no, kid?

Bruce Willis is also known as the most hard working paedophile in the North American Continent particularly in Hollywood, Wisconsin, Shanghai and more recently in North-Western Russia.


Bruce seen here enjoying some "vacation video" of his niece along with his new Chinese friends at home.



Aww that Bruce always on the look out on making new "friends"



Yeah Bruce WHATCHOTALKINBOUT? SUCK IT HARD BOY!!!

GOT BALLS ANYONE?

Also, crippled people are crippled, they're not differently-abled. If you insist on using tortured language like differently-abled, then you must include all of us. We're all differently-abled. You can do things I can't do; I can do things you can't do. I can pick my nose with my thumb, and I can switch hands while masturbating and gain a stroke. We're all differently-abled. Crippled people are simply crippled. It's a perfectly honorable word. There is no shame in it. It's in the Bible: "Jesus healed the cripples." He didn't engage in rehabilitative strategies for the physically disadvantaged.

--George Carlin



Political Correctness?
Meh.
Willful Ignorance to see face to face with the truth.

EVIL PSEUDO COPS CAN KISS MY ASS!

I was driving home from a friend's home the other night when suddenly some asshole cop stopped me and demanded the license and registration of the vehicle. And there it was, me showing him the documentations set the dumbass' fuse off! What the hell? You see cops here in Mumbai expect you to break even the pettiest of laws or traffic violations, or even if you are clean, they'd make some bullshit new "law" from the constitution which never really exists just to make a quick buck with bribing.
Evidently this jackass cop was pissed that I had all the legalities necessary expecting to hustle some cash from me. As I stood there and the idiot next to me, pretending to read all the documents and stuff for about 20 minutes! What bullshit? 20 freakin' minutes for 2 pages! PRETENDING to understand a shit about the registration! I knew this donkey dick wouldn't let me off easily for no apparent reason at all! I can see it, Officer Shinde enjoying a calm quiet evening by the fireplace with his beloved sweet smoking pipe and with some classic Sylvia Path or perhaps Tolstoy! Reading. What a pseudo!


Off. Shinde enjoying some literature by the fireplace.

You can't get out of the house after 12 without some asshole drunk "lawman" pissing me off stating some code from the bullshit constitution of our nation stating that they could easily turn you in for err.... returning back home late in the night? All this crap just to extort something as low as mere 20 bucks (If you're eternally broke like me then it's settled for as low as 10). SHAMELESS BASTARDS!

We live in a damn police state. Cops are getting away with too much, too easily these days. The whole constitution is irrelevant. These bastards along with all the politicians have way too much power, getting more bullshit laws passed to take away even more rights from the public. If there isn't anything for them to do( which of course is untrue, there's a lot to do but as if they cared about stuff like some little girl getting raped and killed and the culprit still out. Free.), they shouldn't resort to digging up things to get someone in trouble. They should go around and kick these idiots that I see everyday at the station teasing or sliding their legs on the floor from the fast moving trains just to "impress" or more accurately to scare women. Stupid idiots!

JIHAD: HOLY WAR-HOLY SHIT!

WARNING!
This Infidel Blog post or the Infidel author will be destroyed by an angry Terrorist/Muslim/Fred Flintstone/This Guy.



I'm tired of all this JIHAD!! shit flying around everywhere these days. It's gotten to the point where a day won't pass by where you won't come across some dick-less jackass running down the street and blowing his/her shit up into a million pieces just when I'm about to enjoy an episode of The IT Crowd. Even the bimbo I picked up from the bar the other night kept on yelling JIHAD!! whenever I asked what her name was, but still boned her in the end. JIHAD!! INDEED!

JIHAD!! is an Arabic word which literally means P-A-R-T-Y!!! However, in modern usage it refers to a hobby that focuses on blowing up excess people from this planet by strapping bombs to terminally ill patient volunteers or the complete cast of the Titanic. JIHAD!! is also the new slogan for the new advertisement campaign by Prophet Muhammad as a marketing tool to increase the sales of his favourite science fiction novel Koran ( the autobiography of the Backstreet Boys) to gain market share from arch rival Jesus Christ's The Holy Bible of the same genre. Christ Enterprises still hold the market share by 57 % JIHAD!! is also the national sport of Syria.

JIHAD!! is nothing but good ol' bullshitting. It makes my blood boil, if you'd slit my throat right now, hot boiling blood would squirt out and burn your eyes and face out! Being tricked and encouraged into believing that they will spend all of eternity in paradise with 20? 40? 800 virgins eh? Yeah right! Incessant giggling, nagging and strong convictions that a kiss on the cheek will "rock your world".THEY ARE VIRGINS FOR A REASON! GET IT DUMBASS? Give me some dirty, real dirty hot ass fuckers instead and I might join myself!

JIHAD!! usually occurs before the applicants have met the virgins.(That's where young Jihadi applicants are tricked you see)

Ever wonder why all these JIHAD!! folks blow up innocent people in the name of religion and to "cleanse" the world? Here are some of the reasons:

  • Islam vs Islam
  • Islam vs Christianity
  • Islam vs Buddhism
  • Islam vs Atheism
  • Islam vs Mike Tyson
  • Islam vs The Hulk
  • Islam vs Batman
  • Islam vs Zombies
  • Islam vs Your mom
  • Islam vs Babies
  • Islam vs People who write "your" instead of "you're"
  • Islam vs lol, LOL LOL!
  • Islam vs Google
  • Islam vs You
  • Islam vs Me
  • Islam vs Dupree
  • Islam vs Earth
  • Islam vs Solar System
  • Islam vs Paris Hilton
  • Islam vs Windows 95, 98, XP, Vista
  • Islam vs JIHAD!!
  • Islam vs <(insert name)>
  • Islam vs Hinduism
  • Hindus have approximately 92430057321100583562118 gods.  Allah: 1 (Hindus win this one!)
  • Heated arguments between Jesus and Muhammad about who uses better personal grooming products.

  • 50 Cent & Sean Kingston
  • JIHAD!!
  • Yawn....
  • You are a mouth-breather!!!.................JIHAD!!!

  • I wonder what's on T.V right now?
  • HOLI HAI!!!(Amitabh Bachchan dancing in background)

Aww what a beautiful heavenly place!   .............JIHAD!!!

  • JIHAD!!
  • ONE MORE TIME....Like you don't care...
  • JIHAD!!

'Meow
' How Cute!   ..................JIHAD!!

  • You still reading this?
  • GET A LIFE!
  • Apparently I should!
  • JIHAD!!
  • Coldplay

JIHAD these assholes!! WHAT A RIP OFF!



Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, Jihadists, Kittens, Coldplay fans(?), and  your mom, now want to "JIHAD!!" my ass!

JIHAD!!
JIHAD!!
-->
JIHAD!!

-->
JIHAD!!!
-->
-->
JIHAD!!!
-->


JIHAD!!

"BAISE MOI" IS WHAT SHE SAID TO ME...


It was a fine sunny morning as I walked the streets of downtown Paris with my best pal Mr. Henry Turkey invisible to everything except me, when I saw her. HER! AUDREY TAUTOU! In her heavenly true physical self. I could smell her sweet stimulating aroma stirred in the hot French air. I stood there dazed, mesmerized by her unparalleled splendor and exquisiteness and when she was just about to disappear back to heaven, she looked at me! AUDREY TAUTOU LOOKED AT ME! I was in her brain! Audrey-chan looked at me and noticed my existence! Her brain received this information and burned me into her memory. I was......I AM a part of Audrey now! The rest of the day is a blur as all I can really remember is some women screaming in French and a lot of pain. All I wanted was to feel her... Regardless of the "eventful" first meeting, my persistence paid off I guess as I'm now doing Miss Amelie Poulain herself!


Enjoying a coffee break during the shoot of Amelie(2001)

"Oooh Baise Moi Sean!"
 

 Sex Tape "leaked" here.


People don't know what the hell does "Baise moi" means!

Is something better than nothing?

HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN



Bang Bang shoot shoot! That's some Tender Lovin' for you!

THERE WILL BE BLOOD...

I'm out of here!




...but there will be blood when I'm back...

AYUMI-CHAN WILL BE KAWAI!

Here is one of Ayumi's simple sketches nothing too fancy from the new manga, will upload some of the other characters later.

THE GREATEST SONG EVER!

The other night I was at the local rock hangout "headbanging" and when I say headbanging it's more like head butting my 7 months pregnant neighbour in the crotch because she and her husband Snoop Dog, who is a lesbian and was a famous American Civil War Hero General who single-handedly won the battle of Thermopylae in Sparta against the blood thirsty Persians and the Mickey mouse club and also is the uncle of Will.I. am from the shit hole B.E.P, couldn't stop showering each other with stupid terms of endearments. Please. Somebody pass me a barf bag.

Anyway that's besides my point, I wrote myself a song and let me tell you it's a god-cumming awesome song and if you think that it pants, then go to hell! Nobody cares what YOU think!

Intro
(Distorted guitar riff blows in)
I HATE YOU x 73 times
FUCK YOU ALL BITCHES x 442 times

Verse 1
"You're never fully dressed without a smile! Many people have died saying that,
cuz' their rectums were tore with the help of a very big baseball bat!
I'm tired of you all!
you fucking judgmental freaks,
Severed Body parts flying when you all shriek,
BASTARDS, IDIOTS, DICK HOLES,STUPID JERKS!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Pre-Chorus
(continue the "AAAAAAAHHHH" from above)


Chorus
(Pregnant neighbour wailing voice in sheer agony in background. Note:Huge loss of blood from the crotch area)

I hate you all, I hate you all,
I hate myself for not hating you all enough
I'm hungry, I wonder what's on T.V right now
akoakdakogkgbmbmcvcc50650064e[d[f;[sf;[fa[f;afhdh

Verse 2





Pre-chorus
Is that whore still alive?


Chorus
Oh not anymore

Outro
(A face melting solo by this guy):










People think I need help but do like this song.

AIRBAGS ARE FOR AIRHEADS!


Airbags suck. They are worthless and don't matter at all, they are just like men in porn movies. Airbags don't really do anything, apparently they only work in the Discovery and National Geographic documentaries named "Airbags Save...yes they do!" and shows based on the reproductive organs of Bees and Ants. Sarcasm? Hell YES! Contrary to popular belief, airbags don't save people, Superman does. No airbag is going to save you from your death and stopping you from ending up in hell for your constant bitching and pissing me off, and driving like a dipshit. Infact most of the people on the road these days piss me off. Jerks.

What's even more insane is the concept and now the addition of airbags in newer generation motorbikes. That is just plain ol' bullshitting. They are totally unpractical and unreliable and go off at any time like when you....uh..brake, shift into 2nd gear, honk the horn, blink, breathe and sing Amy Winehouse songs like Mick Jagger while driving which could/will seriously get your ass screwed.



Other than it's incompetence to save people.I reckon that one can make many other ALTERNATIVE USES OF AIRBAGS:



1. You can use them to scare the shit out of your moron neighbour or that goat dick Sean Kingston and ridicule him.

2. I hate Sean Kingston and other dumbasses like him. I hope they all burn to death.

3.

4. Gift your ex-girlfriend or your steady gal as a cheap alternative for breast implants. Throw in some pictures of animal genitalia along with it, she'd fall head over feet knowing that you care so much.

5. I'm too tired to be working on my blog.

6. Trick people into thinking that its Eddie Murphy at social gatherings.

7. Go away.

8.

Here is a closer and revealing look at what actually takes place during an event of a crash and how an airbag "saves" the victim.


Danny(left) and Fedric(right) during their last moments.

Danny: "Oh no! I've lost contact with the mother ship we are heading straight for that cliff which leads to that sea of boiling hot mushroom soup 243 ft and 7 inch below filled with those blood hungry crocodiles who are having a Ryan Seacrest Look-a-like contest!"

Fedric: "God Damn! Frankly Scarlett...I mean Danny I don't give a damn! Quick! Hurry, the airbags! Heads on them, cover your entire face and try to suffocate yourself and die bitch! By the way, Sean is the master of the universe!"

Danny: "I never told you this, but Fedric I've always been in love with you. Please tell me that you love me."

Fedric: .................... ...... ..... .... ... .. .

ASS KICKING GONE VIRTUAL

Since I don't have anything better to do these summer days(all year actually) and couldn't come up with anything but malicious and acidic stuff, so returned to one of my old but effective methods for wasting time: THE SIMS 2! You all must be well acquainted with the basic premise of the game: Hook up---Score---Continue as many times you like. (Yes it's a "life" simulator)

What you start with is try to create a virtual replica of yourself. Obviously I didn't create a "virtual me" because it's impossible to replicate my awesomeness and handsome, charming self.*ahem* Legend has it that if you ever try doing it, your computer or your neighbour's cat would just explode. But yeah I did create a "fake" me and got me a cute hot girlfriend too. SCORE!


Oh you smell good almighty Sean.


She has some rather uh...cute habits.


Gimme some suga' baby!


Yes we are unemployed.


We have great interesting conversations all the time.


Honey there's something wrong with the television.

People think that I need to get a life or a girlfriend...fast. Well I do concur with the girlfriend part.